Chapter 43 “ He Put the Head in my Mouth an’ I Bit it OFF.”
Earlier in this tale I made a statement regarding how a young guy falls in love. You remember, “The bigger the bra size, the faster he falls?” Well, I don’t doubt there’s truth to the statement but there is a lot to be said about falling in love with a serious fox that makes “Flyin’ Biscuits.”
Miss Sarah Palmgren’s biscuits are second to none. No wonder the boys won’t take her to town. She might get away! She is mighty nice to look at too but she’s gotta’ do something about that armpit jungle.
“How do you like my Peach Preserves,” she asked. “Mighty fine,” I said. “I picked the peaches off Momma’s Peach trees out back, peeled ‘em, cooked ‘em, and canned them myself.”
It was almost daylight and, in the early morning light, I noticed “HAIRY LEGS.” Not peach fuzz either, long black hair and lots of it. Aw man, we gotta do something about this.
Sarah started talking and I was so stunned by the leg hair that I must’ve forgotten to listen. Yeah, something like that is mighty distractin.’
She caught me looking at her legs when she looked up to see why I hadn’t answered a question she’d asked. “Do you like my legs Ken, she asked a she rubbed her hand down her left leg.” “Um, er, uh, Oh yeah, you sure have pretty legs” I replied.
She continued to rub her left leg then said, “Feel how firm they are.” Uh, I’ll take your word for it,” I stuttered. “Aw, come on and feel,” she said. I was sorta trapped so I reached over and made a quick rub. Her leg felt good for a second then I realized it also felt a little like petting a dog. “Nice, huh?” she asked. “Mmmm," I replied.
I definitely had to get out of there. Suddenly a vision of “Doggie” flashed through my brain and I ‘bout lost it.
"I gotta get outta here, "I said. "Clint and Frank are probably wondering if I got lost. "
She picked up the keys to Barak’s Mustang and gave them to me. I thanked her and she gave me a hug, stepped back a little then gave me a kiss that curled my toenails.
As we walked across the yard to the car, I asked, what is this “Snake Handling Episcopal Church” down the road.” “ Don’t even think about goin’ there” she said.
“Pa decided I needed some ‘ligion, and took me to church there a few weeks ago. They were passing a great ole big rattler around and the preacher tried to hand it to me. Scairt me so bad I 'bout wet my pants. Then the preacher looked into my eyes and I guess it hypnotized me. Next thing I knowed, he had put its head in my mouth. I came to my senses and bit its head off and spit it on the floor. The preacher started screaming and cussing and plumb lost his ‘ligion right there. I don’t ‘spect I’m welcome there anymore."
I got in the Mustang, closed the door and Sara stuck her head in the window and kissed me again and said, “Come back real soon, y’hear.”