Pensacola Fishing Forum / General Discussion / Off Topic / What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative? / Latest Posts

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

kahala boy — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 21:32:03 GMT

[quote][b]Garbo (7/5/2008)[/b][hr]Ron I have thought of that. He has friends on the forum, and I was somewhat bashfull about it before the origional post due to there is a possiblilty that could happen, by someone knowing who he is, if it hasn't already.[/quote]

My .02 worth----Even if he has heard from his friends or read it for himself, you owe it to him to talk about it. Obviously it is bothering you REAL bad. If he gets mad and never goes out with you again, nothing is lost. At least expense wise. Just because you two disagree on fishing doesn't mean you never talk again....

Good Luck in your pursuit....

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

welder — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 21:18:42 GMT

Before you two go out again just have a talk with him and tell him like it is , Gas is $4.00 a gallon , Bait is so much , ice is a bunch , TACKLE is a BUTTLOAD, fuel in the truck , Food, drinks, gear, wear & tear on the boat, Motor and trailer .

Be honest and don't sugar coat it, it would also be best if the conversation was in front of your wife and his so everyone is on the same page.

If he can't figure it out after that ..................Loose him.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Garbo — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 19:51:21 GMT

Ron I have thought of that. He has friends on the forum, and I was somewhat bashfull about it before the origional post due to there is a possiblilty that could happen, by someone knowing who he is, if it hasn't already.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Tuna Man — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 19:19:53 GMT

Curtis, now your problem can be solved, invite him to join this forum and point him to this thread....you won't have to say one more word about the problem.....:)

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

xl883lo — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 19:10:15 GMT

First I would say if you have never said that you expected him to share in the cost and he is not a "boat person" he may truly be ignorant of the situation. He may have also assumed that if family was expected to share in the expenses that your wife would have said something to HER sister. Not that it's the way I view the world but still a possibility.

That said I would proceed as follows...........

1) Invite him over for a "boat party" to clean and wax the boat (you provide the beer and food). Have another buddy "help"(he is the plant) have your buddy hand you big wad of cash in front of you brother-in-law and proclaim "here is what I owe you from the last fishing trip". Take the opportunity to tell your brother-in-law that since it has gotten so expensive that EVERYONE will now be "expected" to pay their share.

2) Have your wife tell her sister the SHE expects HER and her husband to share in the cost since it has gotten so expensive. You can have her explain that most people do it this way and you were just being generous in the past.

3) When you go out again have your "buddy" ask the brother-in-law if he knows how much he owes you for "his share" and then have him pay you in front of the brother-in-law.

If he doesn't take the hint he's not going to. Then it will be a case of do you keep letting him and his wife feeload or basically confront them and tell them they are no longer welcome on the boat.

I do not have a boat at the coast so when I come down I go out with a friend who lives in Fairhope. I have gone out with him several times and have always picked up my share of food, bait etc.....but he always has fueled the boat and when I have offered to pay he has refused it. Last time I was at his place he had to work the morning we were going to go out so with nothing to do other than cruise Fairhope, fish the pier or watch TV I spent almost 6 hard hours and removed everything from his boat, washed it inside and out(including the bilge and the anchor locker) and repacked it. It was the least I could do seeing as how I had messed it up as much as him in the last couple of months. The difference is I may actually understand what it takes to keep up a boat.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Fifty-Fifty_2 — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:54:35 GMT

:doh

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

X-Shark — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 09:32:25 GMT

I very much enjoyed reading this thread. Some very good info was given and some of it humorous. :)

[quote]With attitude, he said, "What could that possibly be?"

And I said, "Get your ass off my boat!"

He hasn't been back.[/quote]

I would not discuss this on the boat out in the water. To tight of quarters when/If the s#*t hits the fan.

Rather make a sheet that show ALL expenses that the boat costs for a days fishing. Have that in hand and have a sit down with him.
This should include EVERYTHING!
Boat payment
Boat Insurance
Trailer registration
Boat registration
as well as the fishing expenses

As claim the economy as to why you can't continue with this on your back alone.

You also had said he borrows your tools. Here's my rule:

Does the person have good morals?
Does the person know how to operate the tool?
Does the person have the financial ability to go out and buy you a Brand new tool if they break it?
If the answer is NO to any of those questions, then they don't get the tool. Period!

I have a standing rule.

"Don't bring it back Broke!" And I don't want to hear any excuses.

I feel for your situation and understand helping someone, but when I hear attitude and Pie in the Sky dreams like "when I win the Lottery."

I get pissed off too.

The Lord help's those that helps themselves.

If you can't help yourself, then I can't help You.

I found your statement about having to leave the boat ramp to go buy him [out of your pocket] disgusting.

He knows he needs a license. But then you said out of state and that threw me a little.

Does he live out of state, or did you guys leave Florida and he then needed a out of state license?

Regardless, he knows he need a license. He had no money on him at all? Did he think the license fairy was just going to drop one in the boat for him. Oh', that's right he treats you as the money fairy.

Make the change -- Take the stand. This whole deal will only fester and ONE day you will just Blow up and he will not have a clue where it came from or what he did.

It's now on you to change the situation and show him the way that "Upstanding people" live.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

David Ridenour — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 05:10:39 GMT

If you ever want this situation to change, it's time for a heart to heart talk with him. In the boat alone with no interruptions might be the best place. In his mind his dreams may put him on equal footing with your reality. It could simply be he's embarrassed in his own mind when he looks at his situation compared to yours, thus the "attitude".If you want to lighten his burden make up some fictional "buisiness problems" related to the current economy and that money is tight. Ask him if he would mind helping out with expenses this time.

If it's bothering you this much you need to address it now.It will only fester and probably end up dividing the family. Blood is thicker than water..........

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Bodupp — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 10:38:11 GMT

Garbo, I had a non family member like that. We started fishing together when he was a business contact, and I assumed that he assumed I was writing off my expenses (which I wasn't). When he changed jobs we continued to fish together, but he continued to freeload. (my fault I guess). This guy also had a mouth and an attitude at times.

Finally, while catching fish, he mouthed off to the point that I couldn't take anymore. I said, "Reel em up. I just remebered something I've gotta do."

With attitude, he said, "What could that possibly be?"

And I said, "Get your ass off my boat!"

He hasn't been back.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Msstdog — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 08:21:55 GMT

Understand completely. I really do have a brother just like your in law. I just choose to think of the storys we tell and the fish we catch. Seems like we both go home happier that way.

PS if you where down on your luck(I mean really low) would he be there for you. If not your in a different boat than me( my brother would be here today if I asked, just how we were raised)

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Garbo — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 08:13:19 GMT

[quote][b]Msstdog (7/4/2008)[/b][hr]Garbo

In all seriousness, one of the things I told myself when I bought my boat was I was not going to ask for anything if made the invite. I figure that if Im going to go out by myself why not have the company. With that being said 98% of people offer that pay for something gas, bait, drinks, etc but I dont go home mad from a great day on the water if they dont. If it annoys you I would say dont make the invite, may avoid a family feud and still get the point accross without confrontation. Just remember its only money and life is to short to ruin the memory over a dollar or two. Just my 2 cents.[/quote]

I don't disagree with you at all, and I practice the same, as I wanted to go anyway, and again it isn't the money that bothers me most, it is the attitude while it is going on.

I would be easy not to invite most, but he is family and you know the rest. There are times when it seems everyone but me, wants us to go fishing.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Msstdog — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 08:07:42 GMT

Garbo

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Garbo — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 07:45:52 GMT

Dang Ron, and Bless your Heart. My problem isn't anywhere near that bad.

The biggest part of my problem is his mouthing off about all the things he has goin on, and the things he wants to have and do in the future, and the whole time I am footing the bill in the RIGHT NOW. In my case the money part is serious but, it is not what bothers me most, it is his ungrateful arogance while it is going on. He has watched as I gased up a Suburban $$$$$$$ and gased up a Flats Boat $$$$$$$$ to go Tarpon fishing over near Carrabelle. When we finally get there and were putting the boat in the water, FWC is at the ramp, and he has no Fl. licence. Yep, I make the trip to the local store and buy his Fl. out of State Saltwater licence for him. We are on the water that very day and he tells me that he wants a 50 Bertram, and it is o.k. looking for shallow water fish like we were doing, but he really would rather look for the big boys, which is more to his liking and alot more thrilling.

I do realize that I am more at fault than anyone else, just dont' know how to make it better.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Msstdog — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 07:38:29 GMT

[quote][b]jmartintcb (7/3/2008)[/b][hr]I believe that most people have the highest dreams and aspirations for themselves; however, they are completely unable to execute and follow through because they simply cannot decide the correct route in which to accomplish their goals. These people generally have nothing, only dreams and goals. I find that these people are great to be around, they just cannot "get it together" They feel better talking about "when this happens" or "one day" when in fact nothing ever happens and their "one day never arrives. These people can sometimes be classified as "moochers" or "unreliable" or "talkers." These folks never have any money, never have "great jobs" and prey on the sympathy of their family and friends, not maliciously, but out of desparation. When the family realizes the individuals dead end plight, they then surround themselves with friends, that borrow off of each other, need a helping hand or a deal to get them through. I find these folks are generally intelligent, but lack one distinct quality...the ability to make a decision, good bad or indifferent because of what the person thinks "may happen" as a result of the decision they made. I have found that I give "no more" to these folks but love. They anger when you cut the loop, but I have found in my own life that everything comes with consequences, good, bad or indifferent. Let them fail and determine how to fix the issue and only serve as an observer and loving family member. The person is gonna get really pissed at you when you cut any support other than mental...be prepared.

That's almost too deep for this forum, but I always enjoy your thoughts! Keep'em coming.[/quote]

Dont know how we are related, but you definitely know my brother.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Tuna Man — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:42:54 GMT

Real LOOOOOONG story cut short. Curtis, YOU have trained him well. I did the same to my brother:banghead and it got so bad that I haven't spoken to him for the past three years or more. Finally had to cut him off. He is a true FREELOADER. Starting in 2002 I kept a log of every dollar...actually down to the penny of what went out of my pocket (about $42,000.00 worth in about 3 years). I own a mortgage on a piece of property he owned and sold so the Govt couldn't latch on to it (he had/has a fine from Florida of $100,000). He was drawing the payments till I called the guy and told him to send me the payments. Gets a lawyer and trying to sue me claiming I owe him $14,000.00 (amount of payments I've collected so far). He claims that I only paid about 2 or three of his house payments for him, when in fact (bank records show) that I paid 22 in a 42 month period. Payments ranged from $500.00 to (4)@$998.00 (mtg supplied insurance and shafted him, too close to a hurricane) a month. along with property taxes on two parcels of land (about $4,000 each) in the 11th hour. What is so funny he has about absolutely no record, and told me that he was SHARP AS A TACK and knows that I only paid those two or three payments. Since I won't talk to him he got about his ONLY friend to be mediator. I had no problem talking to Dan (he is really a nice guy) Dan about fell on the floor when I sent him the Excel spread sheet I have. YES Curtis...WE trained them well.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

BigFishKB — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:55:07 GMT

I am glad to see that I am not the only one that has a freeloading Brother in Law!!!!!!! Mine has been living in one of my rentals for over 6 months now and doesnt pay rent (no thanks to my wife who tells him dont worry about it as long as you take care of the yard and stuff). OH YEAH, the next time I have to go over there and cut the freaking grass his ass will be handed to him via his mouth cause I am gonna kick it so bad he will not be able to see out of it for the rest of his days!!!!:hoppingmad:hoppingmad:hoppingmad:hoppingmad:hoppingmad Oh well I guess everyone gets the point. Some people are just sorry!!!!!

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Garbo — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:51:30 GMT

That's almost too deep for this forum, but I always enjoy your thoughts! Keep'em coming.[/quote]

Not too deep at all. It is so accurate it is Scary. Your outline is deadly close in detail...

I must admit I was partially venting, but it is very nice to see the insight from you guys. You people are incredibly great... Thanks...again..

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Garbo — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:47:42 GMT

[quote][b]Boatjob1 (7/3/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]Garbo (7/2/2008)[/b][hr]I got one.

He will borrow anything and everything. He wants to be a part of everything that is going on but never contributes to the expense of what is going on. He has alot of high hopes and dreams that he constantly talks about, but when the gas tank is empty he left his wallet at home. I have been guilty of not confronting him, and I possibly may have built somewhat of an expectation. It's pretty sad, and recently even my wife spoke up, who normally doesn't speak out until things are really on her last nerve.

BTW this is not new, been going on for years.

What would you do, say or not do?[/quote]

Hi Garb..... Was in a similar situation, then it finally came to a close when,,,,,,,, an incident came up (that he started) in front of a group of people. I looked him dead in the eye, told him that most of the people in the room liked him but after all of these years of slacking and dodging his share of the financial obligations, we had all had it. Told him he is welcome to attend any event as usual but he was going to have to carry his own weight from now on... He did this all of those years because we let him. In fact we enabled him, so it was as much our fault as his..... He got his feelings hurt, panties in a wad, then low and behold about 3 months later he started showing up again... It was a struggle, and he still pull's a stunt or two but we call him out on it every time.........

[/quote]

My problem is around 8 years old, and I consider it more my problem than anyone else's due to not doing anything before now. I feel as if I set a standard and it is more my problem than anyone else's for not stopping it before now.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

jmartintcb — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:46:38 GMT

I believe that most people have the highest dreams and aspirations for themselves; however, they are completely unable to execute and follow through because they simply cannot decide the correct route in which to accomplish their goals. These people generally have nothing, only dreams and goals. I find that these people are great to be around, they just cannot "get it together" They feel better talking about "when this happens" or "one day" when in fact nothing ever happens and their "one day never arrives. These people can sometimes be classified as "moochers" or "unreliable" or "talkers." These folks never have any money, never have "great jobs" and prey on the sympathy of their family and friends, not maliciously, but out of desparation. When the family realizes the individuals dead end plight, they then surround themselves with friends, that borrow off of each other, need a helping hand or a deal to get them through. I find these folks are generally intelligent, but lack one distinct quality...the ability to make a decision, good bad or indifferent because of what the person thinks "may happen" as a result of the decision they made. I have found that I give "no more" to these folks but love. They anger when you cut the loop, but I have found in my own life that everything comes with consequences, good, bad or indifferent. Let them fail and determine how to fix the issue and only serve as an observer and loving family member. The person is gonna get really pissed at you when you cut any support other than mental...be prepared.

That's almost too deep for this forum, but I always enjoy your thoughts! Keep'em coming.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Boatjob1 — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:40:21 GMT

[quote][b]Garbo (7/2/2008)[/b][hr]I got one.

BTW this is not new, been going on for years.

What would you do, say or not do?[/quote]

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Garbo — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:27:27 GMT

[quote][b]FizzyLifter (7/3/2008)[/b][hr]Is it obvious to your wife's sister too? Or does she "free load" as well?[/quote]

Nope, just him. I think her sister sees it, but doesn't say anything.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

FizzyLifter — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:14:10 GMT

Is it obvious to your wife's sister too? Or does she "free load" as well?

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

freespool50 — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:59:26 GMT

apparently its your wife who has the problem with it, not you, since YOU have let it go on for years. first option is to leave it alone. if its been going on this long, it may not change and you only risk damaging the relationship. but i guess if it really bothers your wife that bad, if it were ME, i wouldnt specifically address the subject. what i would do is next time it comes down to sharing expenses on something expected ( boat ride; dinner; roadtrip; etc....) then i would lay the groundwork up front. just act like everythings the same. kinda like when sharing boat expenses, the best way is for everyone to ante-up BEFORE the trip. so next time the situation presents itself, just say something like how much IT will cost and how much you expect HIS portion to be, you know, just matter of factly as if you HAD always done that. then you wont have to worry about YOU damaging the relationship, he will do that HIMSELF. trust me, his real intention will show up. he wont be able to contain himself. if its your wifes relative, it will come back to her through her sister, if its your relative, it will come back through your sister, either way, it will come back.

also it sounds like you guys are way more materially well off than he is in HIS eyes, thus maybe the thinking that "you can afford it". i hate that attitude, and sadly, according to personal experience, you probably will never change that attitude. some people just arent grateful no matter how much money they have or what their situation is.

my .01 (.02 before taxes) worth

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

bluffman2 — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:58:38 GMT

well that being said ..have a talk and if that dont help tell him since his work is so great youll help him pick out his new boat....

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Garbo — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:55:58 GMT

Working, non-student, with kids.

Contantly bragging about how well his work is doing and how he is going to have all these incredible things that normal people don't have.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

bluffman2 — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:33:29 GMT

sorry i didnt catch that......well i was in the same situation but only was sisters husband and he finally understood that it was more to it than just launching the boat....he now helps evenly with expenses all the way across the board.....all it took was the 2 of us talking while not on the boat and he really didnt understand that there were all the cost involved....so i would sit down with him and just explain with the cost of gas and everything else going up that you are gonna have to start getting some help from him or someone else.......oh and as stated b4 age would determine alot of that.....is he a student? working or what?

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Garbo — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:29:05 GMT

[quote][b]bluffman2 (7/2/2008)[/b][hr]your wifes brother or your sisters husband?[/quote]

If you couldn't tell, I was trying to avoid the detail, but, wife's sister's husband.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

bluffman2 — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:24:42 GMT

your wifes brother or your sisters husband?

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Garbo — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:19:37 GMT

[quote][b]whalersailor (7/2/2008)[/b][hr]First - "Free Loading ...." WHAT? Son, daughter, other relative, friend, neighbor, co-worker, employee???? To me it makes a difference, with different solutions for each.[/quote]

Bro in Law

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

hebegb — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:11:50 GMT

problem is...too many don't want to learn or get better or make their own way

ask me how I know....:banghead

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

whalersailor — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:11:29 GMT

First - "Free Loading ...." WHAT? Son, daughter, other relative, friend, neighbor, co-worker, employee???? To me it makes a difference, with different solutions for each.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

JoeZ — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:08:31 GMT

How do you know my brother?

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

cuzmondo — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:06:24 GMT

Without getting personal or in to your business; first you have to decide if this is a relative you care about enough that you're willing to help and hope to see them do better. Also, do you enjoy their company? If so, then you owe it to them and your self to lay down some ground rules. Start by letting them know it's been going on for a long time and "appears" that they are taking advantage and that from now on they are going to have to anti up or not participate. If they heed the advice and step up to the place, then great, but if not, you have to be prepared to cut 'em loose. Some learn, others don't. The one's that don't never will, and will only continue to drag their friends and family down and cause animosity.

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

reelfinatical — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:59:12 GMT

Does he have anything you can mooch off him for? Show him what it's like..?

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Cuz — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:55:34 GMT

Cut the cord!!!!!!

RE: What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

hebegb — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:52:48 GMT

say goodbye

What would you do about a "Free Loading" relative?

Garbo — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:51:13 GMT

I got one.

BTW this is not new, been going on for years.

What would you do, say or not do?