Chapter 68  The Ledger Will Have to Wait. (Frank)

Can I call you back in a few minutes.  I gotta take a pain pill. 

“Yeah, yeah, but wait until after lunch.  I have a lot to do until then,” Moose said.

I got up and put on a robe.  I had to walk hunched over because anything that touched my Willie felt like a bee sting.  As bad as I wanted to know what was in the ledger, I had to get something for the pain first.

As I stepped into the hall, Miss Martha met me.

“I was just coming to tell you that you have a phone call.  You can take it in conference room 1.”

Uh, Miss Martha, I gotta find Dr. Amanda.  I’m in a lot of pain.

“I’ll ask her to come to the conference room.”

I answered the phone, “Dr. Franklin Smith.” 

Buddy said, “We didn’t find a trace of Inouwantme.  She flat disappeared.  Bubba has started that howling again and he is driving me crazy.  We gotta get some help for him.”

Dr. Amanda came in and I told Buddy I’d call him back.  “I’m at my office,” he said.

“Lets take another look,” Amanda said.  “

“Wow,” she said.  “That’s a big-un.” 

My **** had swelled to 3 times its normal size in the past two hours.  Red streaks extended down my leg.

“Looks lik’ yew got gang-green of the goober,” Dr. Amanda said then grinned. 

This ain’t funny and it hurts like hell.

“Les git yew back to yer room an’ I’ul give yew somthin’ fer the pain then order a antibiotic for Big William.  Mind if I take a pic-chur of him while he’s all swole up lik’ theut?

"Big John Holmes," eat your heart out I thought as I dozed off.

I slept until 2.

 

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

I am... the anti-PETA

Chapter 69 Gitter’ Dun.  (Frank)

I called Buddy’s office.  I was one of less than a dozen people who had this phone number.  His secretary, Marlene answered, “Sexual Ergonomics, Dr. McWater’s office.”  “Hi Marlene, this is Frank, is Buddy available.”  She said, “No, he just left for his testing laboratory at the Sorority House and will stop in to see you.  He said Dr. Palmgren (Clint) and Dr. McKelvey (Bubba) are meeting with you out there.”

“Thanks Marlene” I said then asked, “Have you tested the Orgasmatron lately?”  She whispered into the phone, “How many people know I tried that thing?”  “Just you, Frank and me, as far as I know,” I said and hung up.

Ole’ Buddy just might have the world’s best job, building and testing sex toys and machines on big government grants.  Democrats are big into sex.   Year before last, JFK visited UF and spent several hours with Dr. Buddy.  Details of that meeting are still highly classified.

About ten minutes later, the 3 Musketeers arrived.  I was still sort of out in “La-La Land” from the shot Dr. Amanda gave me but we managed to plan the next few days.

Two of Clint’s brothers were going to bush hog the south side of the power line as far as I-10.  “That’s about 10 miles.  Reckon 50 feet wide will be enough,” Bubba asked and then threw back his head and went “Woooooooooo, awooooooooo.”  Kinda disconcerting, that’s for sure.

Miss Martha pounded on the door and yelled, “What’s going on in there?”  Buddy opened the door and assured her everything was ok.  At least 5 of the girls were standing behind Miss Martha and all of them were armed.

Seven minutes and 53 seconds, Bubba howled again.  He apologized and said, “It’s driving my secretary crazy.  I’m glad school is out.   I don’t even know when I do it until I notice the strange looks people give me.” 

Yeah, we gotta get Bubba some help.

“I want one seed in the ground no later than Sunday,” Frank said.  “We’ll plant it just like Bubba suggested, right on the edge of the swamp on the end of the big pond.” 

Inouwantme’s directions called for planting the seed 1 meter deep.  Let’s do it that way.  She didn’t know how long germination takes so let’s keep close watch.  We oughta see something in a week or so.”

The pain pill was wearing off and I was beginning to hurt. 

Buddy had a couple of tests to complete in his lab.  Bubba and Clint were going to observe and a couple of the girls were going to participate.  I wanted to observe too but I thought the strain on my uh--**** might be too much to bear.

Dr. Amanda gave me another happy shot and some more of the antibiotic, dressed Willie and said, “I’ma gonna try Franks new machine in a few minits.” 

I really didn’t need to know that, I thought as I dropped into sleep.

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

The tale will start to take a slight turn today and a small branch will sort of split off.  By the weekend, there will be 2 short branches and the main trunk.  The 3 will soon merge again.

I haven't figured out just how long it will take before the real excitement starts or when the serious trouble begins but it is gonna happen.  I hope ya'll got plenty of time and don't get bored along the way 'cuz you're gonna like the ending.  My wife loves it and she is my hardest critic.

I gotta get started.  I think I'm gonna like working with Miss Martha.  She is FINE

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Chapter 70 Help for Bubba (Miss Martha Sue Culhane)

“Dr. Perkins please,” Miss Martha said into her telephone.  “Just one moment please” the switchboard operator replied.

AUTHORS NOTE:

(Dr. Judy Perkins is a Psychiatrist and one of Miss Martha’s “Weekend Warriors” who also works occasional nights when she can.  She is working on a book on Human Sexuality and the varied experience she receives while working for Miss Martha provides case studies for the book.

When Dr. Perkins started the book, she consulted Miss Martha who suggested she interview the girls who worked at the Sorority House.  The interviews with the girls excited her to the point she asked Miss Martha if she could work for her enough to get some “Hands On” experience.

Miss Martha agreed to allow her to work for a few weeks but she’d need a complete physical and an “Interview” with one of her male “Associates.”  Dr. Amanda performed the physical and pronounced her “Ready for duty.”  Miss Martha asked me to do the “Interviewing.”

It took me about 3 hours to do enough “Interviewing.”  And, as one of my all time favorite movie characters once said, “That’s all I got to say ‘bout that.”

OK, guys, it’s just a job.  Somebody’s got to do it.)  Ken 

END AUTHOR’S NOTE:

A few seconds later Dr. Judy Perkins answered, “This is Dr. Perkins.”  “Judy, this is Martha.  I need your help with one of our clients.”

“How can I help” Judy asked. 

“It’s Dr. Mc.Kelvey, uh Bubba.” 

“Wait a minute Miss Martha, is this about the howling thing?” Judy asked. 

“Why yes it is, I didn’t know anything about it until today,” Miss Martha said.

“Buddy told me about it on Monday and I scheduled a Hypnotherapy session for tomorrow.  Knowing Bubba like I do, though, he will want to jump my bones before we even get the session started.  Oh well, I have to start somewhere, un-professional or not.” Dr. Judy said.

 

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Chapter 71  Details on the Old Ledger (Frank)  (Friday morning, 10AM.)

“Frankie, wake up.  It’s almost ten o’clock.  You have to get moving.  Fourteen hours sleep is enough for anybody,” Miss Martha said.  “Moose called right after you went to bed last night and has already called twice this morning.  He says it is very important.  He will call again at Eleven.”

Ok, I’m up.  I gotta shower and shave first and then I’ll need lots of coffee.  I’m really groggy.

I removed the bandage from Willie.  He was back down to his normal hugeness, not deformed like he had been last night and not red at all.  I shaved while in the shower then dressed for breakfast.

When I walked into the kitchen, Sarah Nell asked if I wanted breakfast or lunch.  Whatever is easiest as long as I can have coffee I replied?

“Let’s go with breakfast.  How about 2 over easy with bacon and toast,” she asked.  Sounds good, I replied.

“Mornin’ Frankie,” Dr. Amanda said as she came in off the pool deck from her morning sun bath.  “How’s th’ Willie?” 

Much better, I replied, the swelling has gone down and it isn’t red anymore.

“Lemme’ seuh,” she said and knelt down in front of me and reached for my belt.”

“Not in my kitchen,” Sarah Nell yelled.

About that time, Miss Martha came in and said, “Moose is on the phone.”

Breakfast forgotten, I picked up the phone.  Hi Moose, I said.

“Are you sitting down Frank,” Moose asked.  No, I said.  “You’d better sit down because this is some seriously strange %#!+.”  I never expected to hear a Rabi talk like that, I thought.

“You were right about the book.  It is a pharmacopeia.  The language I did not recognize is Sanskrit.   The mixture of Sanskrit and Hebrew makes it difficult to translate. 

One thing certain, it is very old, probably more than 1000 years old but we’ll know more as soon as the Carbon Dating is completed.

Uh, Frank, are you still sitting down?”  Yeah, I said.

 “Here is the strangest part of the whole thing.  The paper in the ledger was made of a plant fiber that is almost identical to Marijuana.”

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

I called Chapter 72  YES!

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Chapter 72  Y E S !

“YES! 

Moose, do you have any idea how important that part is?”

“Uh, what part are we talking about,” Moose asked.

“If we can duplicate paper of that quality using Marijuana parts that are basically useless right now, it would be the basis of a huge paper industry.  Imagine how many trees we could save.   Oh yeah, now imagine how easy the average person could grow his own smoke.  There would be no need to buy it and the crime caused by illegal sales would end immediately.

This is a win-win proposition for the world.

I’m going to work on a patent application for a paper making process using Cannabis today.  I am also going to apply for permits to grow a strain of Cannabis that hasn’t been seen in a thousand years.

Do you think Temple Beth-El would accept a donation of say $10,000,000 to start with?” 

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

When I started this tale, it started,

“Marijuana Dreamin’” (Sung to the tune of California Dreaming.)   Well, this next chapter has a musical title too.  Frank is a little pleased with the situation about now.  Darn shame I’m not around to share in the excitement.

“I’d Like to Teach the World to Smoke,

In perfect harmony.

Give everyone just a little toke,

And what a sweet world this would be.”

 

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Chapter 73  I’d Like to Teach the World to Smoke.  (Frank)

I ate a warmed over breakfast washed down with hot coffee.  While I ate, my mind was running 90mph

I decided I would have to apply for both a Plant Patent and a Utility Patent.  I’d certainly have to protect my interest in Gangeanus giganticus.  As far as the paper manufacturing process goes, certainly most of the machinery used for making paper out of wood pulp will work with Cannabis leaves and stems.  Maybe some minor adjustments would be needed but why reinvent the wheel?

Ken is positively gonna 5#!+ when I tell him.  I’ve heard him say “I’m as poor as a pig’s turd” a lot of times.  If this works like I think it will, he will be a rich man.  All five of us are gonna be filthy rich!

Dr. Amanda came in and said, “I’ma goin’ to Gainesville in a few minits.  Les’ check Willie fo’ I go.” 

We walked back to the clinic.  “That lil’ sucker luks’ ‘bout gud as new.  Ain’t anti-bi-otics great?  “I’ma gonna stop by Suzzette's office ‘n pick up a book on designer dingalings.  Yew’ cn’ choose which kind yew likes best.  We’ll get yew’ fixed up lika moo-vee star.  Maybe we kin’ gitter’ dun on Sunday.

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Will post another chapter this afternoon.  I'll think about it while fishing.

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Chapter 74  Professional Willie Selection

On Friday nights, all the girls are busy at Miss Martha’s.  Guest rooms are booked for guys who come from all over the South to sample the delights the Sorority House provides.  That meant, I had to go home.  I had a ton of paper work to do anyhow so I’d spend a lot of time in my office at the school on Saturday.

As I got in my Jeep, I heard the distinctive snarl of Dr. Amanda’s Triumph then the squeal of tires as she braked at the last possible second.  She got out of her car with a book and a bag.  “Frank, hunny, git the utha bagz pleeze an’ tote them iun fo’ me.  We’s gotta do some re-such  oun dingalings  ‘fore yew go.  I got the bouk ‘an they’s about a hunnert dif-ernt’ styles to chooze frum.  Les’ git aul the gurls togethuh an’ see whut they thinks.”  (Down right syrupy, ain’t it?)

Where do you want these bags, I asked.  “How ‘bout a' takin’ ‘em to the clinic if yew weul, pleeze” she answered.

When I got back to the kitchen, 5 or 6 of the girls were pointing and giggling over the pictures in the designer dingaling book.  Amanda had gone to round up the rest of the girls. 

In a few minute she came back with 6 more of the young ladies.  “De-de and Carla has eurly datus sos they woan’t git to vo-ut.”

I couldn’t get a look at the book with all the girls crowded around.  There were several minor arguments, lots of pointing and giggling and it finally came down to 3 penile candidates to vote on.  Thirteen girls voted on what style of **** I was gonna have. 

“Do I get to vote,” I asked.  Amanda said, “Heck no, we gonna give yew ex-purt and pro-fess-un-ul  ad-viss.”

At least I got to look at the 3 contenders.  I am not a connisseur of such things but the young women voting definitely were. 

The three contenders were “Big Richard,” “Fat Albert,” and “Curly.”  None of them looked anything like the “Big Willie” I’d grown up with.

About that time, Miss Martha came in to see what was going on.  Dr. Amanda showed her the book and the three favorite contenders. 

“Whooeee, if I get to vote, I’m gonna vote for Curly.”

To make a long story short, Big Richard received 2 votes; Fat Albert received 4 and Curly won with 8. 

I flipped through the book to take a look at Curly and passed one called “Slick Willie Clinton.”  It sorta liked like it could peek around a corner.

Amanda squeezed my arm and said, “Don' fre-ut Frankie, yew gonna be a killur an besiduz, Suzzette kin tweak it a little for op-tuh-mum puh-faw-munce later.”

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Chapter 75  I Don’t Want to go There (Frank)

Friday evening, about dark.

I had been sitting on the cabin porch for an hour or so and the ‘skeeters were getting pretty bad.  As usual when sitting on the porch like this, I was sippin’ a Bud, taking an occasional hit on my pocket pipe, and cogitatin’ on something to invent.  I’d been thinking about inventing Cell Phones for a while but it would take technology that hadn’t been invented in 1964.  Maybe later, I thought.

I dozed off and slipped into a terrible nightmare.  I was about to bust so I walked out into the yard in the gathering dusk to pee on a tree that I had been watering the same way for my entire life.  What a relief!  Then I realized somebody was squirting hot water on my left foot.  I looked down and realized it was me.  As I woke, I realized that Suzzette had given me a “Slick Willie Clinton” and I was 9!55ing on my foot.

Don’t bother analyzing this dream.  I do not want to go there!

 

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

You know that is my full real name, Clayton Palmgren? Neither of which are common names, and the odds of them being together, Clayton and Palmgren......did you know that was my name? Or just coincidence? Palmgren is a Finnish name, and there are very few of us in the United States.

Crazy...

__________________________________________________________________________________

UNDERWATER HELMET-CAM VIDEOS SPEARFISHING, USS ORISKANY, SHARKS, AND PICS!

WWW.MYSPACE.COM/435395882

26' Pro-Cat Center Console w/ twin 140HP's   _{^{PFF FORUM MEMBER SINCE 1/2/06}}

_{^{~2007 Outcast Mega Shark Tournament "Beautiful Losers"~}}

^{~2007 "Unofficial PFF Fall Shark Tounament" Winners!~}

^{~13th Annual Orange Beach Spearfishing Tounament 4 Time Placers!~}

Just for that comment, if you ever make money off this here story...I want a steak dinner and bottle of whiskey outta the deal!

__________________________________________________________________________________

UNDERWATER HELMET-CAM VIDEOS SPEARFISHING, USS ORISKANY, SHARKS, AND PICS!

WWW.MYSPACE.COM/435395882

26' Pro-Cat Center Console w/ twin 140HP's   _{^{PFF FORUM MEMBER SINCE 1/2/06}}

_{^{~2007 Outcast Mega Shark Tournament "Beautiful Losers"~}}

^{~2007 "Unofficial PFF Fall Shark Tounament" Winners!~}

^{~13th Annual Orange Beach Spearfishing Tounament 4 Time Placers!~}

Joel Murphy

Pace, FL.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Chapter 76  We’re Gonna do it at First Light.  (Buddy)

Friday night

Me an’ Bubba had planned on planting the first seed on Sunday but Bubba’s daddy told him the Farmer’s Almanac said to plant on Saturday the 28^th.  I put the seed Frank selected for the first planting between several wet burlap sacks on Wednesday so we were ready. 

We went over to MoJoe’s about 9pm to tilt a few and look at boobs.  Clint and Frank were already sitting at a front table and motioned for us to come on over and sit with them.

I was sort of reluctant to take Bubba out into public with him still howling every 7 minutes and 53 seconds.  What the hell, I thought, guys are always howling out at MoJoe’s.  True to form, we’d been sitting there about 2 minutes when Bubba threw back his head and went, “Wooooooooo, Awooooooooo.”  A couple of good ole’ boys glanced over then looked back at the boobs bouncing on stage.

“Clay-Bo and Cletus got the first 5 or 6 miles of bushoggin’ done today.  They got the John Deere stuck in the swamp out by the big Eagles nest and had to walk all the way back.  Clay-bo’s gonna get a D-9 Caterpillar in the morning to get the tractor out and to clear out some big stuff, Clint said.”

“I don’t want that Cat tearing up my road,” Frank said.

“Not to worry, Frankie.  Clays gonna come in off I-75 and up the power line all the way,” Clint assured him.

“Who’s gonna let that nut borrow a D-9,” Bubba asked.  “Clay’s so dumb, he makes bricks look smart.”

“I don’t know and I ain’t gonna ask,” Dr. Clinton Palmgren, PhD, Professor Emeritus, English Literature answered.  “All I know is, Clay was reading a book called The Caterpillar D-9 for Dummies this morning.”

Somehow, this seemed like trouble to me.

About that time, the cry, “She’s bare down there” went up and Mary Nell danced onto the stage.  She danced, stripped then danced some more.  She made a quick glance around and did the quick thumb in G-String maneuver that caused everybody to yell, “She’s bare down there.”  Interesting, very interesting!

Bubba, Frank and I went to the cabin.  Clint had to stay at MoJoe's to take Mary Nell home.  He said he’d meet us at the cabin at first light to take photos of the planting to preserve for posterity.  How often can you participate in an Historic Event, I wondered?

 

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

As told by Clay-bo Palmgren

This chapter absolutely has to be told by Clay-bo himself because he was the only one who was there when it happened. 

Ever have the thought "Damn. I'd like to be a fly on the wall?"  After you read this chapter, You might have that exact thought.

This will probably go down in the annals of Redneck Fairy tales because it started with these 6 prophetic words.  "Ya'll ain't gonna believe this $#!+."

I'm going to the flea market this morning to get a bunch of things for the yak

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

I am... the anti-PETA

Chapter 77 They Ain’t No Such Thang’z Quicksand  Buddy and Clay-Bo Palmgren

Clint got to the cabin mighty early.  Frank’s alarm had just gone off so we were all stirring.  He put on a pot of coffee as soon as he walked in. 

It was my turn to cook so I took the easy way out and made a bunch of pancakes and link sausage.  I was frying sausage when Bubba came in from the outhouse.  As he came through the kitchen, he stopped, threw back his head and howled.  “Woooooooooo, Awooooooooo.”  It was mighty disconcerting an hour before daybreak.

Clint, Bubba and Frank sat down to eat while I finished making pancakes.  I sat down, and loaded my plate and dug in. 

“Screeeeeeeeeech” came from the front porch followed by a terrible crash then somebody yelled "Hot DamM8^&*$ F$%&!@& cat!"  Clint said, “That sounds kinda like Clay-Bo."

Yeah, Clay-Bo stepped on Snatch’s tail.  Snatch screeched and locked 20 claws and about as many fangs into Clay’s ankle and lower leg which caused him to fall off the porch and gave rise to the choice profanity.

Clay charged in, and slammed and locked the front door.  He was shaking like a leaf and pale as a gost. He gasped, “There ‘uz a Panther on the front porch ‘n he ‘bout tore my laig off.”

Clay was scratched, bug bit, covered in mud and, to put it mildly, looked like hell and totally out of breath.  The attack by Snatch was just about the last straw.

“Sit down and I’ll womp up some pancakes for you,” I said.  “Don’t think I can eat.  I gotta run cuz’ I am in deep $#!+," Clay-bo said.

“Guy’s, ya'll ain’t gonna believe this $#!+,” Clay-bo sobbed.  “Uh-oh,” I thought, “I don’t think I want to hear this.”

“I know they ain’t no such thang’z quicksand but I dun’ lost a D-9 Cat in some mighty deep mud.”

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Here is what is coming next.

Chapter 78  Slam Dam’ Outa Sight

Chapter 79  Is Stealing a Cat Grand Theft or Rustling?

Chapter 80 Them dam’ Palmgren’s 'ud Rather Climb a Tree to Tell a Lie Than Stand on the Ground and Tell the Truth

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

   I woke up about 3am with another twist for this tale.  Clay-bo will be in seriously deep doo-doo if the highway department finds out who swiped the D-9.  Those suckers are expensive and either way a judge would see it--as rustling or grand theft, it would be mighty bad for ole' Clay. 

I don't think any lawyer could make a case for temporary insanity 'cause in Clay-bo's case, the insanity ain't temporary. 

When Clay dropped out of school in the third grade to join the circus, he lied about his age to get hired.  After a year of shoveling Elephant poop, he got caught walking the tight rope in the dark at 3 in the morning and got on with the "Flying Bookendas."  He fell off the tight rope from about 90 feet up and landed on his head and ain't been right since.

Not to worry about 'ole Clay, though.  He'll come out of this scrape just fine but will still be as dumb as a brick but a real lucky brick.  Chapter 80 will be called, Clay-bo Gets Lucky.

 

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Chapter 78  Slam Dam’ Outa Sight

Clay-bo (Saturday morning pretty early)

“Ok Clay, wherinthehell did the Cat come from,” Frank asked.

“Me ‘n Cletus sort of borreyed it over whur they’s buldin’ the overpass on 75,” Clay-bo said.  I got on it ‘bout midnight.

“That’s gotta be 5 miles from where the powerline crosses 75,” Frank said.

Yeah, I reckon that’s about right.  I drove it rite up 75 ‘n rite down the power line.

Bubba said, “It ain’t gonna take no Injun guide to follow the tracks to where you got on the powerline.”

Naw, Bubba, I wuz real sneaky like.  I drove right up 75 on the south bound lane. Y’oughta seed them semis swerve when they come up on a D-9 going the wrong way on the innerstate with the lights off.  Funny as hell.  I ‘bout busted a gut laffin’.  One of them ‘ole boys ate up ‘bout a halfa mile of median ‘fore he got straitndup.  Dam’ Bubba, that was some funny $#!+.

I got the John Deere un-stuck befo’ I bogged the D-9 down.  It’s asettin’ in the pole barn 'bout outa' gas.

Ain’t nobody gonna find the D-9 ‘cuz it is slamdam outa' sight.

 

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Haa!! Ant thats on my good days Capt!!!!

__________________________________________________________________________________

UNDERWATER HELMET-CAM VIDEOS SPEARFISHING, USS ORISKANY, SHARKS, AND PICS!

WWW.MYSPACE.COM/435395882

26' Pro-Cat Center Console w/ twin 140HP's   _{^{PFF FORUM MEMBER SINCE 1/2/06}}

_{^{~2007 Outcast Mega Shark Tournament "Beautiful Losers"~}}

^{~2007 "Unofficial PFF Fall Shark Tounament" Winners!~}

^{~13th Annual Orange Beach Spearfishing Tounament 4 Time Placers!~}

Chapter 79  Is Stealing a Cat Grand Theft or Rustling?    (Bubba)

Ok, we got work to do but we need to figure out what to do about the Cat.  Somebody is gonna’ see where the tracks turned onto the power line for sure.  I don’t imagine they will know it is gone until Monday morning so we probably got today and tomorrow to come up with a plan. 

Uh, Buddy, how about taking Clay home while we get started here.  While you are out, run over to 75 and see how bad the bank looks where Clay turned onto the power line.  Might as well drive on down to the overpass to see if anybody is working today too.

Frank said, “I’m not gonna be too much help around here ‘cause my pecker is still sore and I don’t need to work up a sweat.  I’ll take Clay home, take a look at the bank by the power line then run on down to the overpass.  I need to stop by Miss Martha’s this morning to see if my surgery is on for tomorrow.”

 

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Chapter 80  Runnin’ Around.  (Frank)

Clay-Bo and I got in the Jeep and headed out to I-75.  I turned south and soon came to the power line and pulled off on the shoulder.  Yeah, it was pretty darned evident that a big tracked vehicle had gone down the bank. 

When there wasn’t traffic close by, I drove back and forth across the track marks in an effort to hide them.  I definitely made it better but a Cub Scout could still read the sign.

We drove on down to the overpass and Clay-Bo showed me where he drove the D-9 onto the highway.  I think I did a pretty good job of covering the tracks but somebody was gonna wonder where the D-9 went.  We were gonna need a lot of luck.  A heavy rain would definitely help.

It took two more hours to get out to the Palmgren shack.  When we passed the Stokes’ place, I could hear the banjo music all the way to the road.  Those boys scare me.

There was one helluva big Gator right in the middle of the flooded road.  He waited until the last minute to swim out of the way.  He looked like he’d had a big meal in the past day or so.

When I pulled up out front of the Palmgren place, about 20 dogs came to greet us.  Clay-Bo said, “C’mon over hear.  I gotta show you somethin’.”  He picked up the end of a piece of heavy chain and held it out for me to see.  Something had actually chewed the chain into.  “My hawg dog Cudjoe chewed his chain right into and ranned off.  Ain’t seen him in a few days.  Proly got hisseff snake bit or gator et’.  Cudjoe wuz a baddasseddog.”

As I walked back toward the Jeep, Clay-Bo thanked me for the lift and said, “How ‘bout a glass of tea ‘fore you leave?” 

Tea sounds mighty good, I thought as we walked up to the porch.  “Hay Sarah, make us sum’ tea.”

Sarah walked around the house from the back.  Her arms were black with dirt all the way to her elbows.  Her Tee-shirt was soaked with sweat and stuck to her----“Holy-$#!+, Whotta rack!”

“Uh, Frank, this is my baby sister, Sarah.  She’ll be 14 next Feb-warry.  She’s all growed out, ain’t she?”

“Holy-$#!+” was all I could think.  I definitely did not attempt to talk.

“Nice to meet you Miss Sara.  Ya’ll, I gotta run.  I got a dozen things to get done today.”

I jumped in the Jeep and hauledass.

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Chapter 81  Now That’s Strange. (Frank)

I drove right through town on the way to Miss Martha’s.  As I passed the Court House, I saw Mary Nell, dressed in a business suit getting into a white Crown Vic.  It had US Government plates.  I yelled, "Hey Mary Nell" and she looked right at me and got in the Ford and closed the door.  I know damn well she recognized me but she sure didn’t let on like she did.  Now that’s strange, I thought.

When I got to The Sorority House, I entered through the kitchen.  Sarah Nell said, “I sure am glad you came by.  Moose called and said he was gonna throw a Circumcision Party for you tonight.  Oh yeah, Miss Martha is on the phone with Ken right now.  He was hoping to catch you here.  Walk on up to Miss Martha’s office.” 

 

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

Chapter 82  Ken Meets a Celebrity. (Frank and Ken)

Miss Martha kissed me on the cheek as she handed me the phone. 

“Hey Ken, where are you,” I asked.

“Hi Frank, I’m near Hugo Oklahoma right now.  I ran out of gas on a long stretch and hadn't walked more than 10 feet before a guy on a fish truck picked me up.  We’re at a gas station right now.  He’s gonna take me back to my car as soon as he finishes the next Dr. Pepper.  I think this one makes the fourteenth.  That boy can flat drink Dr. Pepper.  His name is Forrest and he is driving a truck with “Bubba Gump Shrimp Company” on the side.  He’s hauling shrimp from Greenbow, Alabama to Oklahoma City.

He didn’t laugh when I told him I’d run out of gas.  He just said, “It happens and told me to be careful over in Nam.”

“Uh Frank, did you find Inouwantme? 

I said, “Not yet but we will soon,” knowing in my heart that we’d seen the last of her.

“Bubba and Buddy planted the first seed this morning, right where we planned,” I said. 

“I gotta go, Forrest is getting back in the truck.”

As I got back in the truck, the little doll Sarah gave me swung outside my collar along with my dog tags.  That little sucker brought me good luck again, I thought.  I could still be walking. 

"That one of them Voo-Doo dolls," Forrest asked.  Yeah, it was made for a friend of mine by Miss Marie Lavoeux.  Last week, I fell out of a Jeep right in front of a 6' Rattler.  He was 6" from my face.  He looked right in my eyes and winked then slithered away.

"Yeah, them Voo-Doo dolls is strong magic but you don't want to lose it.  My friend Bubba lost his over in Veetnam n' five minutes later he got shot and died."

 

Life is too short to catch little fish.

 http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/